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| This is getting out of hand im afraid. Well, that is Im doing all I can and more to keep from becoming so. But what it takes isn't as important as not becoming bitter and depressed. Today was unsavory. I had in my hand two tickets to an awesome concert in a town 4 hours west of here, and I had in my head every intention of going, as such well layed plans were executed with laser persision. Everything was set, a road trip and a good rump shakin time to get my mind off the comically bad month that february has been. My heartless soviet math professor aparently had other plans. So I missed out on a potentially cool ass day and lost $50, instead doing math homework litterally all day. On my birthday of all days though that doesnt mean anything. I just thought it was ironic.
Damn, oh well.
Nicotine has had to take the place of affection. Caffine's taken the place of rest. Soda of food(three cheers for soda), music of conversation, disaster of complasence.
But I'll be damned if I let it turn me into a product of circumstance.
I dont know why february's been such a bad month for so many people. I wish it werent, because I've always like february. But be that as it may, maybe we can make March good enough to counter it. Im sorry I havnt really known what I've been doing lately, but for the sake of my friends I'll figure it out with all dilliberate speed. Maybe I'll get to dream about us hanging out in that field tonight......
That'd be more then worth it all Miss.
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| So tell me what you're thinking darling. It may be a long story, but I'll drop the world for you tonight. No second thoughts.
It's not that you're hard to read lately. With eyes like those how could you be? It's just that I want to talk to someone. There's no need to keep everything on your own shoulders, when someone else's are able to help. We're never alone in this life for long, and you proved tha to me. Let's follow your own advice, because it's the best I've ever heard. Lets ride our bikes to the park down town tomorrow, we both need to get out more after all. Let's not let anything get the best of us, because I will need you someday. So sit on that swing and smile for once. Any longer and I'm afraid you might've forgotten how.
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| Sometimes, when I eat breakfast in public, I will dip my pastry into my coffee to give the illusion that Im sophisticated or something. This is my most clevor ruse.
Because in actuallity, the coffee just really sucks, but it's nothing a little more sugar cant fix.
Have a good day gang.
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| Nothing's ever so wrong as to be so easily disgarded. Even a broken clock is right twice a day....
Dont burn your bridges, dont hurt your friends,
Dont let the girl go on in the dark.
Remember.
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| All the night before he had dreamt of the gales and furies, the storms of his past. He was dragged back through the violent wakes of all of his actions and then dropped dropped again into this erid waste. Such hot dry land. Exausted, how are you supposed to ever find your way home? Get up you scag, where's all that strenght of yours now? You're nothing without the girl. A useless bit of wasted potential like when she found you.
After a while, he just gets so worn down. The isolation makes matters worse at that. Around every corner is a new weight, they catch him off guard all the time now. And try as he might to convince you otherwise, everyone needs at least something like comfort at some point in the lives to move on.
Suddenly, and without warning, the cloud passes over his head. He cant quite tell what's happening just yet, but quite suddenly he feels like he can breath again. The air cools, the lights dim, time slows down as the first few drops fall. They're soft, and small. If one were in a hurry one'd hardly notice them. But for him, they were the only bits of matter in the world just then. They washed the dust off him bit by bit and filled his lungs with fragrent breaths. They smothed down his hair and straightened out his shirt. They touched his parched lips gently as a cool wind pressed agains his face. His heart started beating again. He was standing now. The drops stopped falling all at once. The strong wind blew the cloud away with haste. The rain was gone again. But he was standing.
This is my memory of you mary, and it's all i can relly on.
10am:
Oh, hello again mr. journal. How are you on this fine winter's day? Not so bad? Oh that's tops sir.
Greetings aside, I'm affraid I dont have anything epic to write for you today. Part of me wishes I did... You know the routine, Im sure. Sitting about on a sunday afternoon half heartedly wishing for something more compelling then peace. The trouble mr. journal, is that it's in the complacent times that you've just got time to think on things and yourself. Time is fate's most devastating weapon. She draws it out like a blade, or steals it all away like the cold air steals your breath and leaves you stunned and panicing. Well, I've always thought that fate probably plays some role in the shaping of my life, but it's not a fact I accept lightly. If she feels like screwing with my time, then it becomes time to take back control over my own mind; change the deffening quiet to something.... something more human. After all, that's what we are. Human. Vulnerable. Uncertain. Well meaning. Resilliant. Not so bad at all infact. All we ever really need is a little elbo greese and lots and lots of chances to try again. Luckily, both those things are floating around I think. Maybe not chances in the short timed sense, but over the long run really.
So yes, I'm being more careful now. Im taking the time to think things through. Im trying to figure out what words i want to say... even while brushing my teeth.(which according to my dentist is working like gangbusters. thinking that is, my dentist is one of my close confeidants .) The funny thing is that people mistake me for wise or reassure or some such crazyness because I dont show my concerns, and I try not to burden others with 'em. This one's conflicts are subtle, like a sailor with a series of papercuts. And I laugh at them now, because that's all I can do.
Here's to the soft breeze of an early spring, maybe it will bring us better times.
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